As life coaches, we always talk about how understand + accept technique to help you to deal with difficult people or situations. The most common response I get is “So am I supposed to do all the adjustment?”. Sounds familiar huh?
We have been conditioned to see understanding or being silent as tolerating injustice or compromising your interest. On the other hand, ask any youngster about desirable quality in a life partner. A common response is “One who understands me and accepts me as I am.” Funny.
Let us discuss this technique then. When you are capable of thinking rationally you can see that for solving any problem, you need to first understand it. But the emotional mind is incapable of thinking, resulting in fight or flight mode.
Start looking at life’s problem as a complex math problem. Before solving you need to read it twice or thrice just to get started. Understanding enables you to solve the problem. Deeper the understanding, easier will be the process and results will be favorable. So, take a deep breath and understand before you jump to conclusions.
Acceptance is easier said than done. Accepting the situation feels like giving your power away, feeling of helplessness. You want to yell that the other person is wrong, this situation is unfair. That’s denial. Denial is just the delay in moving towards a solution. Do we deny that math problem? No, we make some assumptions but we try to solve them.
We expect people to behave in a certain way. We expect our life to go as per our plans. But no two people can think alike and well life has a habit of throwing curveballs. Bigger your plans, the bigger the problems. It seems like expect should have been the antonym of accept.